Monday, January 25, 2010

Big Brother Star in a Cast of One

I have received several (hundred) requests to blog more. It seems you all can't get enough of me. Looks like nothings changed since I left the US :)

I would love to blog every moment of my life here but i simply haven't the time. Not to mention internet blockers restrict me from accessing my blog half the time.

My blog today is one that I have refrained from posting but am now finding myself at a boiling point. The program I am in here leaves much to be desired. It's not what i expected and certainly not what it advertised and realistically it's tough to see working out. But I'm always up for a challenge.

I think the thing that really drives me to the point of insanity (or to be fair, is pushing me over the edge....we all know I was driven to and have been living on the point of insanity for many happy years now)is the 24/7 surveillance.

The program team WORKS FROM MY LIVING room. Someone is always here. Asking questions. watching me. I was even told by a security guard that he "loves watching me type." Lost in translation? Maybe. Creepy? Oh definitely.

I don't like being under the microscope at all times. It makes me uncomfortable. For those of you who know me (or read my post about Alice time) should know that smothering me is a rare but effective way of torture and that I am going NUTS. There is only so much I can stand and I am trying really hard to not blow up in frustration.

Your home is supposed to be your sanctuary, not a place where you walk on eggshells and wonder if the conversations being had in front of you are about you. (They probably are)

My parents gave me a pretty good deal of freedom growing up. I didn't have a curfew in high school, I was allowed to go outside and play, shut my door, talk on the phone, keep a diary without having them snoop. They kept tabs on me of course, and knew where I was...but I never felt controlled. I didn't need to be, I was a good child, never got into trouble. My parents had a strong respect for limits and privacy so i can safely say I have never experienced anything like this in my life.

Is it too much to say that I want to wake up and have my breakfast in peace? or come home to a quiet house and unwind without having to make banal conversation while contemplating how to I go in my room and shut the door without looking like a total bitch? I am 25 years old, here on my own free will and I don't think I should have to be in a position where I need to explain myself, my whereabouts and every single detail to a keeper.

I came here to do a job. Which I do. I go to work, I come home, I respect the ridiculous rules and all I want in return is a little bit of space. To not have someone here 24/7.

In the meantime, if you all miss me, stay tuned to what I consider to be the Big Brother of Hanoi. I am the only cast member. That is until I get new roommates.

xoxo AC

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