Monday, February 8, 2010
How Like You to Make the Whole World Disappear
Sometimes (more like 3 nights a week) when I am alone, I sit at home, eating chocolate, listening to sappy music, watching the video that Alex and my friends made me and cry.
I love it here, I really do. But it is very hard for me at times, to enjoy myself fully because I left my heart in New York.
I know that sounds cheesy and pathetic almost, but it's the truth.
I'm the first to admit that I had no idea what my trip out here would do to my relationship with Alex. "Make it or break it" is what everyone said. I was slightly worried because in previous travels I had always had so much fun and never really missed him that much. obviously I was excited to go back, but I never sat around missing him. I worried that maybe this meant we weren't right for each other.
It turns out this just means that our relationship is healthy. That we love each other, love being around each other, but that we can spend a week or two solo without losing our entire sense of self. If only I had recognized the beauty of this at the time rather than panic that I wasn't co-dependent.
I came out here to discover. Discover myself, discover my passions, discover what i really want out of life. To seize life and enjoy it.
What I've discovered, above all, is how incredibly in love with my boyfriend I am. That while I can exist and function independently, that I don't ever want to be in world that I am not with him.
I apologize to all of you now gagging from this post, and wonder why i didn't opt to write the guy an email sharing this privately (have done that too)But this is my blog. And you read it because you want to know how my life is in Vietnam...and this is a huge part of my life.
So there are nights (like tonight) where I cry a ton, and think about coming home to the safety and love that I am so fortunate to have. I won't actually leave because this experience is helping my define who I am...but above all, it's shown me, with absolute certainty that I am the luckiest girl in the world to have a guy like Alex. And I love him more than I could ever find the words to say.