Irreplacable

In my experience, humans are tactile beings, we need, to some extent, some kind of physical contact in our lives. I am no exception in this matter.

I've been without a boyfriend since January (we broke up in May but have been far away from each other since I left NYC) and have to admit it’s been tough to go from living with someone and having daily cuddles and kiss to nothing. I like affection. I don’t want late night antics as much as I crave the intimacy that comes with being physically comfortable with someone.

A huge problem is for me is my extreme awkwardness and complete inability to connect and feel comfortable with most people. I’ve always failed miserably at random hook ups so simply can not bring myself to engage in them.

I am sticking to my resolution of singledom, but have found another means of getting complete physical gratification and that is in the form of regular spa treatments. Asia is great for indulging in pampering sessions with most massages, mani/pedis, etc being of the highest quality but for a low price. This evening, for example, I spent $10 for an incredible two hour massage…one hour for my feet and one for body.

I found myself in an almost trance like state of bliss and couldn’t help but think that this could easily replace any kind of desire I could potentially have for a physical relationship with another person. I can’t think of many men who would happily give me a two hour massage without wanting something in return. Something, at this point in my life, I just don’t want to give. Call me selfish, awkward, or weird but I’m just not interested.

Where else but the spa will I be able to find someone whose only concern is making me feel relaxed and good? Where else but the spa can I just lay there and enjoy myself without caring about what the other person wants? Where else but the spa can I leave feeling great AND looking better? I don’t have to worry about feeling awkward, or looking fat or anything stupid like that. I just pop in, zone out and leave feeling unbelievable.

So even being single, I CAN have it all. I already have a great job and lots of friends. I can get my romance fix by obsessively reading Eluard’s poems and my need to be touched and pampered by heading down any random road in Hanoi. Being alone isn’t so bad after all.

(Spare me the jokes about “those” kinds of spas. It’s immature and clearly that’s not what I am talking about or where I am going)