Monday, July 12, 2010

Little Miss Muffet/I am an Idiot/L'Hopital

Early Thursday morning, around 1:15am, I rolled over, and while doing so cracked open my eyes and noticed a shadow on the wall. "That's odd"I thought to myself. I am still a little bit afraid of the dark so I decided to investigate further. I don't know what's worse: if I had or hadn't done this. Upon switching on the light, I came face to face with a MASSIVE spider and lost it internally.
My first instinct was not, in fact, to kill it...but to get it the hell out of my bed. Being me, I tried to reason with the spider...I spoke softly to it and said, "I don't want to kill you but you really have to leave my bedroom" I got a piece of paper and ushered it outside. The adventure should've ended there, but being the crazy hypochondriac I am, I spent the next two hours psychotically searching my room for evidence of a web, researching poisonous spiders in Vietnam, and panicking that it laid eggs and that I'd be attacked and devoured by spiders on night.

I blame the spider for what happened next. I made the biggest fool of myself in Vietnam to date. We all know that I am challenged in the grace and coordination department. I am always covered in bruises from one of my accidents that i have with myself, usually tripping up stairs or falling in the shower, or simply crashing into a wall. It happens daily and people usually laugh at me which is ok. Thursday night was my first evening teaching a new family and they, for some reason insisted on walking me to my motorbike. This was very kind but we all know how awkward and flustered I get...and while they were asking me questions about my life I was fumbling around for my keys. I finally found them and put them into my bike, I turned the bike on but decided to walk the bike out of its parking spot. While doing this i hit the clutch and the bike roared forward. Their faces were shocked which made me all the more flustered and instead of hitting the brake I git the clutch again. The bike charged forward and knocked over another parked bike. I got all sheepish and the dad had to pick the other bike up all while asking me if I was "going to be ok" to drive home and probably wondering how someone incompetent like myself is responsible for the education of their children. As I got onto my bike to drive away they all started BACKING AWAY in fear. I drove away with the knowledge that I publicly humiliated myself in front of new clients and students of my school by getting into an accident with a parked bike while I wasn't even driving. Seriously.

The last adventure of my weekend resulted in a trip to the hospital. I wasn't the patient but I was still involved. My friends and I were having a lovely day at Thang Loi pool and went up to hit some golf balls. After several rounds and several g&ts, my lovely and adventurous friend Ruben decided it would be a good idea to jump from the second floor that we were on into West Lake. First of all, West Lake is disgusting and dirty, secondly we had seen people standing up and fishing there so we knew it was shallow. We warned Ruben against this endeavor but he was determined. He jumped in anyway. As he came up he said, 'Ow my leg!" and I, like everyone else, thought he was joking. It wasn't until he pulled out of the water that we noticed his leg was all mangled and had bends in it where there shouldn't be. We called the ambulance, his dad and gf and went with him to the French Hospital. Ruben broke his femur in two

He had surgery for 5 hours and will be in the hospital for 4-5 days and then in recovery for several months.

That's the end of my weekend story as I'd rather not share the bits about my World Cup finals antics where I sent aggressive texts fueled by tequila, made an idiot of myself and then shouted at the tv show hot Spain was and why couldn't they just show #4 over and over again.


  1. That's not an "itsy bitsy" spider at all.

    Ouch on the X-ray.

  2. hey alice. just caught up on your blog. nice work ur a very entertaining writer. there were many stories in there i could relate to since we both got here around the same time. keep up the good work i'll be reading for sure!!

  3. I am all about #15. That's all I cared about in the World Cup as well.