Tuesday, June 22, 2010

You're Never Too Busy To Get What You Want

When I was a junior in college, I read the book, “He’s Just Not That Into You” and am embarrassed to say that it changed my life. It forced me to look at relationships (all kinds) through a different perspective, one that dragged me down from fantasy land to reality.

While relationships (both platonic and romantic) are not always easy to maintain, we are compelled by human nature to put forth effort to the ones we hold dear to us. If someone is important to us, we find a way to ensure that they remain a presence in our lives, regardless of where we are in the world or how busy we are.

This statement seems obvious but often times we forget it and allow ourselves to get caught up in one sided relationships, where only one party is putting in all the work and struggling to keep the connection going. We justify it to ourselves by telling ourselves how important this person is to us, that we want them in our life or that we can’t imagine life without them. This is all very well and good but the important question we should be asking ourselves is: Is it mutual? If we stopped making an effort, would they still be in our lives? Would they text/email/call? Do they care as much as we do? Does our presence in their lives have as much bearing as theirs does on ours?

Usually, if we’re even engaging ourselves in this internal monologue, we know what the answer is (it’s no!) However, sometimes, because we tend to live in denial we need some kind of “proof.” A good way to gather this kind of evidence is by moving to different country and see how many of your “loved ones” actively pursue keeping the lines of communication open. Another is to take a step back, stop contacting the person/people in question and let them come to you. This is so difficult to do, excruciating at times, but an effective method that should serve as a wake up call.

I’ve had several instances in the past few months where I’ve had to implement the latter into my life, and as demoralizing as it was, realized that I’ve been chasing relationships that I could never catch up with. That I was running in a race with myself. That I just needed to let go.

He’s Just Not That Into To You” may have been written about romantic relationships but some of its lessons can be applied to all kinds of relationships. It reminds us to examine our relationships:

To remember that you’re never too busy to get what you want. If someone wants to talk to you and have you be a part of their lives, they’ll make time for that to happen.

Stop making exceptions for people

It’s pretty obvious when someone cares and someone doesn’t Realize when to move on. There are plenty of people who are aware of how awesome you are and want you around. Focus on them.

Friendships/Relationships shouldn’t be that hard. You shouldn’t have to be constantly seeking approval or trying to prove yourself. The people who matter will love and accept you for who you are.

The more time I stay out here, the more evident it becomes who will be in my life for the long term. While I am sad by some of my fleeting friendships/relationships, I’m happy knowing the ones who I’ll be surrounded with are the ones who truly matter.


  1. btw if you have not noticed, I have nearly commented on all your posts in this blog.
    And give me your email, I will send u newsletter each week.

  2. I have noticed. I look forward to your comments even though they usually border on snarky, but I know that';s just because you're pushing me to be a better person :)

    I plan on writing a long post about our romantic date on Thursday. I'm currently choosing outfits that won't make me look fat ;)

  3. alice i stumbled upon your blog from someone else's blog...really enjoy your writings. loved this post. this is a hard lesson learned but once you get it, you never go back to chasing relationships. and in the end, you create much more time to do the important things in life...like spend precious time with the people who matter.

  4. I've read all of your blog entries and I think you are a very good writer :) Easy flow and intriguing. Looks like you are living the life! Hope all is well!

  5. i relate. serbialand/vietnamland...but you're a great writer, alice. keep posting.