Monday, December 21, 2009
Anticipation and Nerves
I concoct many crazy life plans, and they often change weekly. So naturally, when I first mentioned "Vietnam" to my friends, they kind of rolled their eyes and smirked at each other. I knew what they were thinking. And part of their inability to take me seriously is what drive me to cement my Vietnam plans into place. I knew the more I spoke about it, and the more I planned it, that I would have to go through with it. And as it draws near, I must say I am THRILLED that I am heading over there.
Thrilled and nervous. I can't believe it's all happening so quickly. And I live in this irrational fear that when I leave NYC that all of my friends will move on, become even closer and that when I return there will be no room left for me. I worry that my perfect boyfriend will realize that his life without me is in fact, much better, and he wants to find someone who is less of a handful.
I expressed these fears to my psychologist-turned-real estate developer mother who provided some insight that, for once, wasn't infuriating. She told me that being sad to leave somewhere/thing, means that you have done it successfully. That if I had lived a boring and miserable life in NYC, then I wouldn't be sad to leave, and that would be the saddest thing of all. So she made sense, and I feel better I guess.
I just have so much to do and prepare before I leave, and I simply can't get going on it. For one, I need to complete my teaching English as a foreign lanaguage class pronto. I am laying stagnant at lesson 3, and I need to get up to 20. Motivate me, please!!!!!
I'm out for now.