Saturday, October 1, 2011

Running With Coyotes

There is something about the bad boy that women simply can not resist. While we know that we are precious commodities that ought to be adored, nice guys seem to lack the edge that draws and keeps women interested in anything other than friendship.

Bad boys are exciting. They're fun. They're unpredictable (although, really they're not. It's pretty obvious how it's going to play out) They give you incredible highs followed by miserable lows which you forget about because they'll reel you back in as soon as your despondency begins manifesting into indifference. Bad boys, for me, seem to appeal to not only the rebel inside of us, but also the old fashioned traditional side of us.

From the beginning of time, women were drawn to great soldiers and knights because they represented the ultimate form of masculinity, and there was the underlying notion that they'd protect them and keep them safe. The bad boys today have taken over that form of masculinity. In fact, we view bad boy (as opposed to nice guys) behaviour as "a typical guy" and there is probably something deep rooted within us that compels us to these men. We concede that this is how they're supposed to act. "Boys will be boys"

Women spend countless hours agonizing over, crying, and making excuses for men. Which is ironic because the men often times couldn't care less. They don't sit around wondering what she's thinking or if she cares. They have better things to do with their time. (And so should we, ladies.)

I'm the girl who is friends with all of the bad boys. I get to sit around and listen to the way they talk (enlightening and frightening)and then watch them in action (amusing and repulsive) I also get to hear women complain about them, how awful they are asking me how could I be friends with such mysogynists. And the answer is simple: Because they aren't like that with me and they don't have to be like that with you. That guy who you slept with last month who not only never called but then went home with your coworker right in front of you the following week? I have dinner with him twice a week. We talk about current events, books, movies. When I'm sick, that guy who you were seeing that disappeared on you, brought me soup and aspirin. So I wonder, how can these men be so lovely and protective and caring to some women in their life but not to others? How can they hand me tissues and say, "That guy's an ass, you can do way better" when they've been the man they're berating 100 times over?

I think in large part, it is "standard" and "the way men are" but I also believe that, in some cases, it may be a little bit of peacocking for each other. Just like women dress up for each other, men conquer and share. In their mind, it's way cooler to sit around the bar talking about that hot girl they got last night rather than saying how wonderful it is to be in a serious relationship. It's almost like a right of passage or proving their manhood to each other. But it also, is a large part, the environment. Women tend to accept much less than they deserve, maybe because they've bought into this idea that they have to, or that "guys are just like that." We think we have no other option and since he can be nice sometimes, it's worth the times you're alone in your room staring at your phone wondering if he's still interested. If we stopped accepting this behaviour, set high standards for ourselves (so basically: You get what you give. Not settling for anything less than we're giving out) and actually went out living our lives in this fashion, I think we'd see a major improvement. Maybe not en masse, but at least in personal relationships. All of the above bad boys? Have had serious girlfriends. And they've treated them very well. I understand the draw and excitement of the bad boy, so if you can't resist it, do as I do...have them in your life, but just as friends. I can guarantee it's just as much fun.

Now before I get all of these messages in my inbox about how I'm insane or justifying men's bad deeds, I'd like to clarify that this is just a human interest speculation. I am fascinated by the concept of women who go for men who behave badly. In my particular case, none of this is really applicable to my actual life. My boyfriend is the furthest thing from a bad boy, which is one of the things that i like the most about him. I go for the nice guy, I always have. I like it when a guy calls me when he says he will, tells me how he feels, brags about me to his friends, introduces me to his family and makes me and my happiness a priority. I don't want to feel stressed or confused about how someone feels about me, just like i won't let someone I care about have any doubts as to how I feel for them. That's what i like, want and need and as a result...I don't settle for anything less.

In fact, I'll even go as far to say that I think nice guys are the modern day knights and soliders, that being a NICE guy is being much more of a man, a powerful man, because nice guys go against what the role that society is trying to put them in. they make their own decisions and are strong enough to say to the macho men, "No I'm not going to be like everybody else. I'm going to be ____." That's the stuff REAL men are made of.


  1. It would even go back further then that to cavemen times. The bad boys were the strong willed, ones who could provide food and fend off savage beasts and advances from lesser men. It's imprinted in females DNA and psychological needs. I would consider myself (especially since my time in Vietnam) as somewhere in the middle between a bad boy and a nice guy, leaning to either side whenever the need arose. I found that my adaptability attracted women, but i respected them enough not to screw them over (intentionally). I just didn't let them get the chance to screw me over first as I used to let happen, before I 'came out of my shell'. Had I not come out of my shell and remained a nice guy best friend type, I would believe that it would have been extremely difficult near almost impossible for me to get the girl i'm with now. Interesting read Alice, I'm sure you will be making many females happy with your experiences.. *ahem*

  2. Life as an asshole is the best. Nobody expect anything from you. ever.

  3. Viet you're not a bad boy. you pretend you are but the truth is, you're the nicest of them all