Monday, March 16, 2015

The 13 Types of Men That Every Woman Should Date

The older we get, if we’re single, the more relationships that we have. Some people might find this depressing but, I, on the other hand, think it’s incredible that the world is diverse and vast enough to keep providing us with new options. During conversations with friends, we came to realize that none of us really stick to the same "type" but instead date men that are different from one another...which is not only fun, but is a constant learning experience. 

I asked my girlfriends all over the world what type of men are "must dates" and most of the types below reflect the majority. My guy friends wanted me to tell them what the women said. 

Before we get into types, The following 5 qualities are what the most women agreed on wanting in a man: 1. Across the board, every woman, no matter what her “type” is, said they wanted a man who is a good cook. Which, to me, is obvious and obligatory for a guy. So men, if you can’t cook: learn. 2. A good dancer. Good dancers are super sexy and a definite hot commodity. So Twinkle Toes, get your dancing shoes on and get ready to be swarmed. 3. Funny. A man who makes us laugh and doesn’t take himself or life too seriously. 4. A good dresser. Know what works and what doesn’t. Be adaptable and appropriate. This is all relative to “type” though. 5. Romantic. Again, what constitutes as romantic depends on the woman and the type. But I will tell you this: every woman wants to be feel appreciated and desired.

But those are just qualities. We’re talking about types. So without further ado here are the:

13 Types of Men that Every Woman Should Date*
(plus 7 bonuses)

The Older Guy: There’s the age old cliche of the older man and younger woman. Older (I'm talking 10+ years here) men are important to date because when we are with them, we experience relationships in an alternative way. Older men talk about different topics, introduce us to new things, and have a strong sense of self. which makes it easier to get to know them. They know what they want, they're less likely to play games, and they tend to have their act together in a way that's attractive, especially if the guys our own age are still flailing about or sowing their wild oats. When I was in university, I dated a guy who was 10 years older than me, and though my friends made jokes, I loved the fact that his goal for the week was not trying to find a different house party (or coed) every night...but instead talked to me about current events, books and theatre, and also gave incredible insight and advice regarding my career. (Which he still does actually.)
Cons: Older men tend to be more stubborn/set in their ways. Can also be patronizing or treat you like a trophy.

The Mr. Good On Paper: We all have qualities that we look for in a partner. I have a LIST ;) and while it's important to have standards and an idea of what we want, in actuality, we might find that what we think we want doesn't actually translate from paper to real life. It doesn't make sense, really, because we “should” be compatible with them, yet we just aren’t. Discovering this is actually a positive because it reaffirms that: when it comes to love, relationships and people in general, we can't control or place limitations on them. We're reminded that a checklist doesn't equal chemistry and that we need to keep our options open and not judge a book by its table of contents.
Cons: There aren’t really any aside from wondering “Why can’t I like this person?”

The Boy Toy aka Younger Man: Ah the younger man. (We'll say 5+ years difference) Younger guys are fun, sexy, refreshing, and usually a lot more devoted and adoring than their counterparts closer in age. I'm not sure why that is, but it seems to be the rule of thumb. But more importantly, younger men are less jaded, less serious, and usually aren't allowing themselves to be held back by their quest to "settle down." As a result, being with them reminds us why dating is FUN rather than stressful. We can let go, live in the present, and just enjoy the moment (and relationship) rather than obsessively stress about the future.  Despite still being teased about being a cradle robber, one of the best relationships I had was with a guy 8 years my junior. 
 I can honestly say that it made me believe in uncomplicated love again, which has been pretty influential in keeping perspective that relationships, which will at times have their tribulations, aren't actually supposed to be really hard and complicated. Most of the time they're supposed to be good.
Cons: they can be immature, don’t have same time restrictions as women, they may not be amused when you refer to them as a "Boy Toy" :)

The Player:  Dating a player is an immensely crucial relationship lesson. Players are usually charming, good looking, fun and they draw you in only to break your heart (after driving you crazy.) So why recommend dating one? Easy: Because they make you appreciate a good thing when you have it. And they also make you a better, more considerate person especially in future dates/relationships.
Cons: Your ego and feelings will be hurt. Don’t worry, you’ll get over it.

The Career guy/Workaholic: Ambition is sexy. It doesn’t matter whether their career path has them in a boardroom, strumming at open mic night or scrubbing toilets. It's not about money or prestige but more about being with someone who is together, driven, and passionate about what they do. Being around people like that is inspiring and energizing and it often makes us set higher goals for ourselves. But there has to be a balance, and dating someone who can’t  or won't balance makes us recognize just how essential equilibrium and being able to prioritize are. 
Cons:  A job is a lifestyle... not just a job, it will always come first and you will constantly be sidelined in favor of work, which feels pretty horrible. Workaholics are often selfish, and you will be compromising all the time. It gets old fast. Remember: You're never too busy to get what you want, so neither should they be.

Mr. Artistic: Musician or painter, writer or actor (etc)...Talent is a turn on. Not just because we, as a rule, like things that are good, but also when people are performing or showcasing their work, they are in their element: radiant, immersed, and oozing a magnetic confidence that draws us to them. They inspire us and make us feel things. (I don't think I'd find John Legend attractive without his melt-inducing voice) It also means they are passionate and can commit, because mastering any art form requires time, desire, and dedication.
Cons: They often work crazy hours, they are away a lot, they can be elitist, John Legend is already married.

The Academic/Intellectual/Nerd: Being intellectually challenged by someone is not only stimulating and interesting, but it is also humbling to be reminded that we don’t know it all.  You have a whole different kind of caliber of conversation: exhilarating debates, constant challenges, and well informed discussions that you walk away from, having actually learned something. It's invigorating. 
Cons: It can get a little stuffy, condescending or elitist, depending on the people. Also, there's no such thing as simple.

Someone that's a Different Race/Culture/Religion: We often surround ourselves with like-minded people because they understand us, and we share the same sense of fun and point of view. But this can be boring and stagnant. Dating someone who is different whether it be their race, their religion, or their culture will open up our mind and realities to a whole other world. We will find ourselves thinking about things that never previously occurred to us and might even find our previous beliefs and conceptions catechized.
Cons: We might face resistance from their/our friends/family. Sometimes the differences can be too much to overcome.

The Insanely Hot-but-Boring Guy: There are some people who are just insanely good looking. So good looking that we are, at times, lost for words when we look at them (and we can't stop staring.) When we start dating them we can't believe our luck, other women are envious and drool over the man sitting across from us at the restaurant. So we date them, and gaze at them and upload photos of them on facebook and Instagram (So many likes and comments!) only to find that, they're really, REALLY boring. Or conceited. Or annoying. Or anything unappealing. And we ignore it for a bit because, COME ON, he's a Prada model. Except after a while he stops dazzling us and we start thinking maybe he's not so great after all. We realize that while being physically attracted to our partner is obviously important, that looks aren't everything and we need something more. So we end it...but obviously save photos ;)
Cons: You will probably never date someone that hot again.

The “Not My Physical Type”: The first thing we notice about someone is what they look like, and our reaction to it. We may even have a type and find ourselves dating people who look exactly the same. And while I tend to gravitate towards men who are over 6'2, have sparkling blue eyes and resemble Vikings or GQ models, restrictions like that mean we’re limiting ourselves and perhaps eliminating someone people we may be compatible with that we wouldn’t know about if we’re being close minded. So if you have chemistry with someone that you wouldn’t normally be attracted to (the weedy guy, the buff guy, the tall guy, the short guy, the sloppy dresser, the metrosexual, the athlete etc…whatever is different than your usual type) then go for it. Date them and see what happens, you might be surprised.
Cons: We might have such self imposed limitations that we can’t get over them

The Bad Boy or Just Someone Totally Inappropriate: This is different than the Player because the Bad Boy/JSTI is not necessarily a womanizer, but just someone who makes you feel like a rebel, someone you wouldn’t bring home to meet your parents. They don’t come in any shape or form (but I did get a LOT of “tattooed, Harley driving” comments) but really in this day and age, someone inappropriate could be your boss, your ex boyfriends best friend, or even  someone who has staunchly different views than yours. Just someone who makes you feel bad in a good way.
Cons: Relationships can’t sustain on excitement and thrill alone.

The Best Friend/Friend:  Romantic relationships that are founded on friendship tend to either be incredibly successful or completely disastrous. Dating a friend works so well in theory because we get to skip the whole awkwardness and tension that comes with meeting someone new. Plus, we trust them, are comfortable with them, and we genuinely like being around them. AND, they already know all of our attributes and detriments, which means we can just be ourselves. It’s easy and relaxing but exciting in a whole new way. It is a reminder that we are always learning about people, even the ones we thought we knew so well.
Cons: Being friends with someone and dating someone are totally different experiences. Liking someone platonically does not mean you’ll like them romantically, even if you think you will or want to. Also, knowing someone means that we have higher expectations for them and we also get frustrated more easily if they annoy or anger us because they should “know” how that something make us feel. Or “How don’t you know that?” Finally, if it ends, you might lose them as a friend, which is a double blow. 

The Nice Guy: If I had a type, it would be The Nice Guy, though my friend Josephine would argue that my type is “men who look like dentists.”* Nice guys are GREAT: they call when they say they will, they’re considerate and sweet, they introduce you to their friends and family, they don’t play games, and most of all, you can trust them because they’re honest and reliable. There’s very rarely drama or guessing games, which is also a plus. It’s important to date a nice guy because, by treating us well and with respect, they show us how we should be treated and therefore we start setting higher standards for ourselves, and remind us to not settle for less than we deserve.
Cons: For me, none. For some, they’ll argue the nice guy is boring. Having a bit of an edge is important.

Honorable mentions:
Scandinavian: Because everyone deserves a Viking
Red heads: Because they’re rare, and every redhead I know is awesome.
Athlete/Health nut: Because they're healthy, fit, and usually bring that out in you.
Life of the Party: Because these guys are exciting, always fun and up for a good time.
Shy Guy: Because they're usually the hidden gems
Polyglots: Because speaking multiple languages is HOT. And they're great to travel with. 
The Wanderlust/Adventurer: Because there's never a dull moment, and you'll see/experience cool places with someone whose excitement is contagious.

Something most of these men have in common are that they are passionate about something, which makes them more interesting to be around. A good date/relationship will not only entertain you, but will also challenge you in one way or another. In some cases, these will develop into actual relationships. Others it only takes a date or few before realizing, "Eh, not for me." But these are all enriching experiences as they help direct us to figuring out whats important in a relationship, what values and personality qualities we need, and how to walk away with more than we went in with.  We make mistakes or watch other make them and gain insight from those. These are all eye opening experiences that provide us with the never ending opportunity of learning more about ourselves and others. 

*Authors note:
1. Obviously someone can be more than one type, in fact most are.. 
2. I have never dated a dentist. Or even seen/met a dentist that I was attracted to

Thanks to:
1. The dynamic, vivacious, fascinating women that I am fortunate to call friends, for their input, and general love and support
2. The extraordinary, enchanting, and effervescent men who I was lucky enough to date, therefore allowing me the ability to impart some firsthand knowledge in this post (And for encouraging me to include you as examples!!!! Hope I didn’t disappointment in my endorsements)

1 comment:

  1. Dear Jill,

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    Joe Pinzone
    Casting Producer
    P: 212-231-7716
    Skype: Joefromnyc

    ReplyDelete