I’m a risk taker, that
much should be apparent. From the obvious leaving-my-life-in-NYC-to-move-to-Hanoi, to my daily decision to get on a
motorbike and drive around...it would appear from the outside that I have a
reckless streak. One that many people
say they couldn’t share, but they could, they just don’t realize it. Taking risks
comes in all forms, but for me the highest risk one can take is an emotional
one, it’s falling in love.
Falling in love is the ultimate risk because you are handing
yourself over, making yourself vulnerable and susceptible to heartbreak. That’s
the thing we’re all the most afraid of, right? When we get involved with someone,
we hope and pray that they don’t break our heart, implying that doing so is
the worst thing in the world. However, the more I think about it, I realize getting ones heart broken, at least once, is an essential part of the growth
process and self discovery. The things
we attain from these dark hours/days/weeks/months shape our entire outlook and from
them we should learn:
Compassion: Hopefully no one in a relationship enjoys
deliberately hurting the person that they’re with. If you do, I’m not even
going to touch that. For everybody else, though, however much we try and avoid
it, we are human and we inevitably make mistakes or simply don’t think, which
results in upsetting those we care about. When you’ve had your heart
shattered, you know what it feels like, and you sub sequentially become kinder
and more considerate in your dealings with others (whether it be a romantic partner, a friend, an employee etc.) You possess an awareness and
an ability to manage those around you. I can honestly say that I am a better girlfriend,
friend, daughter, and person as a direct result of the hours spent sobbing in
my room. This is not to imply that prior to heartbreak that one is callous and insensitive,
it’s just often difficult to imagine what would be hurtful to someone if we’ve
never been on the receiving end of that kind of pain before.
Resilience: The world doesn’t stop because someone doesn’t
love us anymore. It may feel like we have nothing left but the fact of the
matter is, that our existence and sense of self isn’t dependent on one person. Nor should we allow it to be. We may want to
crawl under the covers with comfort food, and it’s important to mourn but this is never a long term
solution. After we’ve had our heart broken once, we realize that we can face
misery head on, that a broken heart doesn’t equate to our world falling apart.
We can talk ourselves through it, reminding ourselves that we’ve been here
before, and not only survived but flourished. We can recognize that we’re in
pain but that pain will subside and that we’ll be ok. This makes us more likely
to “take risks” in our life, knowing that even if we “fail” that we’ll be fine. That
it’s possible to pick ourselves up, dust off, and start again. This mentality
is applicable not only to relationships but to other things as well (losing a
job, failed business deal, loss of money etc) We are shown, by our own example,
our capability to carry on.
Appreciation and perspective: Captain
Obvious here…when you’ve had your heart broken, you start to appreciate
everything else good in your world. The family
and friends who offer unconditional love, support, and distraction; the job the
challenges you; the goals you aspire to; the little things you often overlook; the
next person you date; and most of all, the capacity you possess in creating your own
destiny. You also gain a perspective that you didn't have before, you see things with fresh eyes and perhaps discover new opportunities that were previously unavailable to you.
Obviously, it’s difficult to embrace the attributes of what
comes from a broken heart when we are actually going through it (though not so
long ago I was able to reason with myself, reminding that I’d “done this before
and would be ok” and it helped me pull myself together more quickly. Not move
on-that’s different-but pick myself up.) and I am of the belief that certain people come into our lives so we can learn from them.
Despite this, there are also moments that we host acrimonious desires for those who broke our heart, we want them to share our experiences. We want them to regret what they did. Though 100% natural, this isn’t healthy and doesn’t help us in the slightest. Instead, maybe accept that they lack the insight that we now have, or that they were incapable of learning from the experience. Maybe them not learning is the most significant lesson we're taught. Let us not be on that level, but rather take the heartbreak and turn it into a powerful tool that strengthens us in every aspect of who we are.
I think, rather than living in the fear of getting our heart broken, we should allow ourselves to be open to it, accepting that it may happen, but also that it may not. These are not things we can plan, no matter how much we want to. There is no real certainty in anything, especially when it involves another party. The only certainty we have is to ourselves. Jump in, love with abandon, it's worth the risk.
Despite this, there are also moments that we host acrimonious desires for those who broke our heart, we want them to share our experiences. We want them to regret what they did. Though 100% natural, this isn’t healthy and doesn’t help us in the slightest. Instead, maybe accept that they lack the insight that we now have, or that they were incapable of learning from the experience. Maybe them not learning is the most significant lesson we're taught. Let us not be on that level, but rather take the heartbreak and turn it into a powerful tool that strengthens us in every aspect of who we are.
I think, rather than living in the fear of getting our heart broken, we should allow ourselves to be open to it, accepting that it may happen, but also that it may not. These are not things we can plan, no matter how much we want to. There is no real certainty in anything, especially when it involves another party. The only certainty we have is to ourselves. Jump in, love with abandon, it's worth the risk.
Playing it too safe and not taking any chances sounds like a dull life to me. Sometimes you gotta risk big to win big. Of course, occasionally I make choices that I know will most likely lead to tears - mine. Sometimes it is worth it.
ReplyDeleteAgreed. I have entered into things knowing they wouldn't "work out" but purely because it was what I wanted or needed at the time, and I learned and grew, which is really the most important thing for me.
ReplyDelete