I have a bad habit of forming completely incorrect first impressions regarding the men I am interested in. I’d venture 75% of the time I am off base at first. The men I think are players and to be wary of turn out to be kind, loving and loyal while the nice, harmless guys are the snakes who leave me wounded.
Most of my bad luck as arisen since my arrival in Hanoi. I think it’s because the men here are just worse than anywhere else in the world that I’ve seen. There is no right way to say this, no way that it going to keep me from scrutiny or from receiving comments about being bitter. I don’t care, I’m going to say it anyway. There are very few eligible men in Hanoi. Hanoi (and maybe other places in SE Asia) changes people relationship-wise, often times for the worst.
Classic Hanoi Man Syndrome (CHMS). Here's how it happens: Ordinary/average/uncool unattractive men move to Hanoi. Experience a rush of attention from gorgeous, intelligent Vietnamese and foreign women. Believe the hype. Become miscreants. Treat women as if they are expendable. Experience no repercussions. Repeat process. Then go back to their country. Think the same rules apply. Reality hits hard.
I have seen men arrive here being wonderful and idealistic and then getting caught up and turning into a complete slimeball. One they have success with one hot girl they turn into a monster. Yet that has little to no effect on their “pulling” capability. They can be as terrible as they want and still have women crawling all over them.
I don’t think this makes me a bitter expat. I’d feel the exact same way if I noticed a man (or woman) behaving that way in NYC. Shabby treatment of people is inexcusable regardless of how “wonderful” or “attractive” you are led to believe you are. In fact, the more blessed you are, the kinder you should be to others. (Example: I know a man, who is breathtakingly gorgeous. People have been known to actually drop their jaw and lose their train of thought when meeting him for the first time. This man, however, is charming, humble, considerate, and COULDN’T be any nicer. Seriously, he’s so nice it can actually be annoying. If HE can behave like a stellar human being, so can everyone else)
While the men have it golden, the women who come here find themselves having to lower their standards if they want any chance at a romantic life. They find themselves getting involved with guys they’d never normally look at and putting up with situations they are much too good for simply because they have to. Because that’s the way it is here.
I don’t date out here. Not really anyway. I had one involvement(yes we all know about that) and after that I stopped. I have claimed it’s to get over him but it’s really because there is no one I’ve met here that I’d consider. Unlike so many women I’ve seen here, I am not going to lower my standards for a little bit of romantic attention. I’m perfectly content with my friends, hobbies, job, and Skype dates. I've relished in taking this time to be “single”
*I am only generalizing. I by no means think every Hanoi expat male is like this. It’s just some casual observations shared among others. I think there are a lot of amazing men out here, and am friends with many of them.